In The Blink Of An Eye

It’s been just over 3 weeks since Parker turned 1 and I felt like I should take the time to reflect on the year that’s been.

When we first found out we were having a boy I was so nervous. I have 5 sisters and 1 brother so growing up it has always been a predominantly female orientated household. I wasn’t sure I was ready for changing boys nappies and dealing with all the boy stereotypes I have perceived over the years. Sports and the thought that one day another woman will wisk him away and make him a married man (yes I’ve thought that far ahead lol). How would I cope?

Well as soon as he was born all those worries left my mind. The most important thing for us is he is safe, happy and healthy.
In fact a lot of things left my mind when he was born and it was a real moment of honesty and self reflection where I learnt who and what mattered the most to me. It’s amazing what a reality check having a baby is. You really just have to go through the experience to understand what I mean. Those things that bothered you before don’t matter any more. The birth of our son was the rebirth of my sense of self. I was someone’s mother. Is there anything more important?

The first few months were amazing and challenging all at once. You can never truly be prepared for what’s to come. Between being completely overwhelmed with responsibility, my troubles breast feeding and other stresses in my life we got through. I’m so grateful to have such a supportive partner who has helped me through all the ups and downs.

Looking back Parker was a relatively good sleeper in the beginning and even though we had (and still have) our rough nights now I would say that we’re still pretty lucky in that department. Mind you, the nights that aren’t so good…really aren’t so good. I can understand why they use sleep deprivation as torture. It really messes with your brain.

People always said to me in the beginning ‘Cherish it whilst you can because they don’t still little for long’ and I would be like yeah yeah yeah. Well now that I’m on the other side of that I can totally agree and urge others to do exactly that. Cherish every single moment. Even when it’s 2am in the morning and you haven’t slept and this brand new baby is screaming and you don’t know why and the only way you can get them to sleep is tie them to yourself and pace for hours and hours just so they can rest. Yes those times are trying but you will miss them.

We went from a lovely little newborn who would just stare at us for hours (we seemed to of skipped the cuddly sleepy during the day baby) to a baby that rolled, army crawled, crawled, started solids, grew teeth, started to pull himself up and then started walking all in the blink of an eye. We now have a giant toddler who eats, poops human poops, laughs, throws tantrums, cuddles, claps, shares his dummy and comes and sits on your lap to read a book. How did it happen so fast? More importantly, how did we survive?

I think one of the most important things I have learnt along the way is to stop listening to other people. Stop googling. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Yes that sounds harsh but you can only take so much advice from people who haven’t had kids, or their kids are 25 (yes you can offer some valuable been there done that knowledge but some of it is a tad out dated sorry) or ‘those people’ whose kid did everything way before the average age. Wow your kid can tap dance and juggle whilst singing the national anthem and they’ve only just turned 1? Good for you.

Parker was an early crawler and an early walker (apparently) but I don’t try rub that in people’s faces because you know what? He doesn’t say any words yet (although I swear I heard him say ‘oh shit’ the other night lol). Some babies I know are babbling away and saying plenty of words and that’s great but I’ve decided not to stress because all kids develop at different rates. Parker communicates in his own cheeky little way and that’s ok by us.

Just when you think you’ve got this parenting thing sorted something will change and you have to readjust all over again. Like how all of a sudden your toddler has decided they will on have one sleep a day. Or they won’t eat their dinner unless they get to use the spoon themselves. The best thing to do is go with the flow. In the early days I threw all strategies and text book schedules out the window and listened to my child. Call us crazy but he calls the shots and it’s honestly made life a lot less stressful then trying to implement routine and dealing with hours of resistance. Yes we’re team attachment parenting all the way here and it’s worked great for us.

In a years time I’m sure life will be completely different. A two year old will be a whole set of challenges and adventure. I will embrace it and learn from it. I will remind myself that it just goes so fast and it is time you will never get back so I will make the most of it. I hope you do too.

Making Mummy Friends

I read an article recently that compared making new mummy friends to dating.

It gave me a good giggle as I could relate to a few of points made.

I remember when I first joined my mother’s group when Parker was only weeks old that I made a connection with a few of the mums. One mum in particular was always so nice and actually made the effort to talk to me and I knew right away that we would be friends. Over time we have become good mummy friends, swapping war stories and snap chats of our children throwing tantrums or learning to walk. She’s great and I laugh because I remember in the beginning I didn’t want to text her too often or seem so desperate for a friendship so that’s where it felt like dating. Now i’ll text her all hours of the day or night because I know she gets it, she’s on the same page as me and it’s someone I will always be greatful to have met.

So here is my problem.

I have moved states. All 1800kms away. So as far as mummy friends go I am starting from scratch.

I love our new home, I love the city we have moved too. I love the opportunities, the culture, the weather and I love love love that as a result of the move N can come home to us every night.

What sucks though is having to start this ‘dating’ of new mum friends all over again.

I’ve left behind my tribe and have the frightening task of trying to find another and with all my newely acquired insecurities and lack of motivation it’s proving difficult.

When I first moved here I went to a couple of playgroups. I didn’t click with either of them so I threw in the towel. I have another couple of groups I could go and meet some people but I haven’t found the courage to do it yet because my first attempts left me so disheartened.

I just wish I could have moved all my people with me.
Part of me aches so bad for these friendships it hurts inside.

I am missing my best friends little boys growing up. Our kids were meant to grow up and play together.

I am missing another dear friends entire pregnancy and I wish I was there for her more.

I miss all of my mothers group friends and their adorable little kids, Parker’s buddies.

I miss our same sex mummy friends who understand us as parents on a level that other people don’t.

What’s worse is moving away makes you feel invisible. The distance starts to creep in, the replies become slower as real life takes over. You can only maintain the level of contact for so long.

I do understand that real friends will always be there. No amount of time or distance can change that. The true friendships are the ones your can pick up where you left off. I know all that but it doesn’t mean I’m not missing them right now.
I hope one day I can look back at this post and say to myself:
‘You goose, you just had to give it time, look at all the amazing friends you have now. Yes you still love your old friends, you always will but you’re ok now. You’ve made new friends and they have your back. You’re ok, You made it.’

Mum-Life Crisis

I think i’m have a M̶i̶d̶ Mum-life Crisis.

I’ve been trying to write this post for months now but have been unsure how to approach it without sounding selfish.

So I’m just going to be honest.

I sometimes have moments of panic where I feel like I have lost myself. I worry I have lost my identity as an individual. I worry about lack of goals. I worry that there is something more to all this and I just haven’t been given the memo. I worry that my children will grow up and start school and i’ll struggle to get back in to the workplace. I worry I’m too old to start new things. I worry that time is going to quickly.

I was once a very motivated, outspoken, determined and goal orientated person. I had plans. I was going places and doing things but somewhere along the way that person has disappeared. Reality has shifted completely since having a baby.

It’s a good day for me when I can feed, change, entertain and keep the little guy happy. It’s an even better day if I manage to do all this AND brush my teeth and get dressed. That just sounds silly though doesn’t it? Since when are such basic things such a struggle?

I panic at the thought of having to leave the house some times. It is such a mission. Not to mention the thought of having to socialize with people these days. I am inside with a 1 year old majority of my time so hanging out with adults and having conversations makes me nervous. Do I even remember how to have a social conversation? If I stand here and smile and nod will they recognise my eyes glaze over as my mind drifts to where my child is, how can I wrap this up and retreat back to changing nappies and picking up half chewed food off the floor, did I forget to do something, what’s next on the never ending list?

There’s always dishes to be done, clothes to be washed, toys to be picked up. There’s always something and I know this will only increase as we enter in to school life, extra curricular activities, sports, sleepovers…MORE CHILDREN.

That leaves me with these questions. When does one get the chance to find themselves again? What does that even mean? Do I even have the right to think that? Where would I find the time? Does anyone even care? Why do I feel so guilty for thinking these things? Do I just give up and accept that this is what life is now?

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mum. I love that I am lucky enough to stay home with Parker. He brings me so much joy and happiness. He is amazing. The most adorable, lovable precious thing in the world to me. We made the decision to have children because we wanted to, because we were ready and we are so happy for the family we have become. I do not regret that for one second. I would not change it for the world. 

It’s just this part of me, the creative one, the thoughtful one, the excited one, the desirous one who deep down is scratching at my insides, begging to come out and I worry, if left ignored, that she will retreat and disappear forever.

Stay At Home Mums

*** A post from N***

I’ve come to the realization that stay at home mums are underappreciated and highly often so misunderstood!

After Parker was born I had 5 weeks off and both H and I knew that eventually I would be returning to work. I don’t know who was more wary, H for being left at home with a young baby or me for being away from them.

It felt like this parenting gig was hard enough with 2 of us to tag team out for naps or breaks of sanity.. But when I returned to work H would be riding solo for a whole 2 weeks!

I’ll be honest..I was nervous.. I wanted to be able to grab that nappy or that bottle when my wifey needed an extra set of hands, how was she going to even sleep? Was I going to come home to a crying mess? So many questions…

Reality was she was an ABSOLUTE pro at being a great mummy and I was so relieved! Infact I was the one in tears when I arrived home for the first time! We had all survived.

I totally understand that not everyone has the luxury of staying at home to raise their babies. I myself was a daycare kid, raised by my mum on her own and I turned out just fine. I also know that if mum had been able to stay home with us she wouldn’t of hesitated and I know she wishes she had the chance. I’m greatful that through everything she was still able to provide for us girls!

Pretty much anyone who’s spoken to me since Parker was born knows that we’ve got a new baby so I was so confused when people begun asking me what my wife did?
“She’s a Stay At Home Mum” was my reply with a great smile across my face, oozing with pride. To my shock people often responded with “Yeah but what does she do?”

I’m sorry? I’m confused, What are you asking?
She looks after our baby fulltime!?!

After a little while I begun to hate this question, ‘What does she do?’. I felt hesitant and felt the need to back up my answer with the fact she’s completing a science degree and rattle off her previous role description, hoping this was enough to satisfy the person asking me. This made me feel bad. I’ve always been proud that H stays at home.. And why should I question that? She’s looking after our boy!

So I’m not ashamed to say that I’m so proud and thankful for all the stay at home mums (and dads) out there! I think it’s a role that is so underappreciated. There I said it!

It’s a full-time job! Whilst we go to work and slog it out to bring home the bacon our women are doing their fair share at home changing nappies, feeding our kids, burping, rocking, entertaining and giving more hugs and kisses than you can imagine. They’re creating beautiful little humans, teaching them right from wrong and explaining numerous times why they can’t touch that or why our little darlings need to have a sleep. All this and more from the crack of dawn until they fall asleep in a heap only to start all over again the next day.

Then of course us partners get home and our babies are well behaved and totally innocent (typical) so surely you mum’s are making it all up by looking exhausted right? Lol just kidding. Rest assured we know they have run you around all day and you need 5 minutes to regain your sanity when we walk in the door! We will happily take them for a cuddle.

So here are a list of a few things to maybe not say to someone who has a stay at home wife because let’s face it, it’s rude.

-Oh, so she doesn’t have a job?
-Jealous, I’d love to stay home watching movies all day!
-So what does she do all day?
-Man, I wanna get pregnant so I can stay home all day too.

Just a few that I’ve come across anyway! So far from the truth!

So THANKYOU to all you beautiful stay at home Mummies out there! You make our life easier and we are grateful for your hard work you do (often under paid). We appreciate you shortening your morning showers and sometimes taking it in front of an audience of little people watching so you can feel normal. We understand why you have vomit stains down your back and your hair is a mess. We think you’re super skilled for being able to balance a baby in one arm and eat your dinner with the other. All these things you do without thinking are pretty impressive.

So now when people ask me that silly question now I don’t bother justifying it. I just smile with pride and be grateful we are in a position where H can stay at home with Parker.

I wish everyone had their own stay at home wife. Very lucky indeed!

xx N xx

And The Kitchen Sink….

Getting out of the house with a baby is no mean feat. Pre-Parker I used to take my time and punctuality wasn’t really in my vocabulary.

Now with a little munchkin to escort me everywhere I need to put some much thought and planning in to every outing.

Nappies, bottles, change of cloths, burp cloths, bibs, toys, wipes, blankets, pram etc etc. The list really goes on and will on get longer i suspect when he starts solids.

I am also slightly weird so I take everything with me even for a quick dash to the grocery store to get milk. You know why? Because I’m paranoid. I worry that I’ll get locked out of the house and have no nappy to change him or bottle to feed him because sorry buddy but these boobies are dried up.

Also I’ve said goodbye to nice handbags because I carry a giant nappy bag around with me always. Luckily I quite like my nappy bag so that’s fine.

It really is such a mission but is it weird to say I enjoy it? I mean I enjoy everything to do with Parker because I love him to bits but having to lug all the extra things around really forces me to be a bit more organized in life. So I guess that’s a good thing.

Does anyone have any hot tips on how to be more organized for outings?

Coming out… again and again.

I think sometimes my own fears and worries hold me back from being comfortable with who I really am.

Although I hate labels I am quite obviously a very feminine person therefore when I meet people they assume I’m straight.

I noticed this when I first started wearing an engagement ring at work. Customers would often comment on how pretty my ring was and I would freeze and say thanks then change the subject. I know this was off putting for some people because I recognized the looks of confusion of how reserved I was being. Really I don’t feel my personal life is anyone’s business but I have heard other women (in other stores or in public situations) start gushing about wedding plans in reply to the questions I was being asked. Instead I just shut down in fear I was going to be asked questions that might reveal I’m in a same sex relationship.

The awkwardness started to ramp up when I fell pregnant. I could only hide it for so long and before long that baby bump was on show. ‘Oh wow you’re pregnant! Is your husband excited?’ was a question I got asked a fair bit. It annoyed me for a few reasons. Mainly because why do people assume because I’m pregnant I’m married? Hello, I could be pregnant out of wedlock? Or what if I was a single mum? Maybe I went out on the town one night and one thing led to another and I don’t know who the baby daddy is? Hhmmm or what about NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
So when I was asked these questions I’d just reply with ‘Yes my partner is excited’ and again change the subject.

I skirted around the answers because I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

This continued on for majority of my pregnancy too. Will doctors and midwives treat N and I differently because we’re a same sex couple?

You know what’s crazy? I even emailed my OB before booking my first appointment to check she was ok with taking us as patients. Seriously? I shouldn’t have to ask but I did… And I do on many occasions because I feel like I have to warn other people and make sure that they’re ok with it.

Thankfully my OB was amazing as was all the hospital staff and various people who have crossed our paths since having Parker.

After the relief of being treated like a normal person I knew there was always the next hurdle, the next occasion I had to ‘out’ myself (again) and that was my Mothers Group.

The community health clinic had a 6 week intro to parenting course starting and I had been told that you go along to this and often you make friends and continue to meet up with them after your 6 week course is done and that’s how your mothers group is formed.

The day came for my first session and boy was I pooping my pants. All for the reason that I thought these women would look at me funny or treat me differently or worse, treat my baby differently because he had two mums. I think it took about 4 sessions before I dropped ‘she’ when referring to my partner. Believe it or not I wasn’t stoned to death or thrown in to the street but instead I had a little faith restored that I can ‘fit in’ because the ladies that I have met are really really lovely. They made me feel totally ok and accepted for who I was and they were even interested in asking questions about how we came to have Parker and that’s ok! I’m super happy to talk to anyone about our pregnancy journey.

At the end of the day I realized we connect because we are mothers not because of the partners we have and for that I’m grateful.

I’m also grateful for the friends and family I do have that make me feel comfortable with who I am. When I’m with those people I don’t even realize that I’m any different to anyone else,
I can relax and be myself.

I know it really will be an ongoing internal battle for me to try be ok with ‘coming out’ to people constantly. When Parker starts school and starts making friends, parent teacher nights, birthday parties, sleepovers etc etc but I try to be hopeful that our society is becoming more and more accustomed to the many different families that are out there.

I’m not ashamed of who I am. I just don’t find it easy. I get cranky when people stare at N when we’re out and about or they stare at us if we hold hands. I want to yell at people when I see them look us up and down or look back and forth from N to me and then to the baby in the pram and look so judgmental.

I guess I just have to realize that maybe people aren’t being judgmental. Maybe they’re just nosy or maybe they have gay relatives or friends and in their head their going ‘good on them for being themselves!’ or ‘aawww cute baby’. I also know that I have to try be more confident in who I am as a person and stop worrying so much what other people think (easier said than done) because if I can’t be comfortable with who I am how can I expect other people to be comfortable with me?

I have to be forward and honest when confronted with the questions and situations that might make me feel awkward because life for Parker will be a lot more accepting and safe if his Mummy is confident with who she is.

I guess I just have to deal with coming out again and again because besides tattooing it across my forehead there’s nothing I can do but be brave and be proud of who I am. No more hiding or worrying what others think. I have a beautiful little family and that’s worth overcoming anything.

And then there were three….

It’s a boy!

Parker Thomas was born on the 13th July, 4 days overdue.

It’s been quite a journey so far hence why we’re only just getting around to telling the birth story now, a month after he arrived.

So let’s start at the beginning…

On Saturday 12th July at around 6am I started to get what I thought were Braxton Hicks. They varied from about 5 to 10 minutes apart and were going for about a minute each. As uncomfortable as they were it was manageable, like really bad period pain. I spent the day pacing and bouncing on a fit ball trying to relax and watch movies to take my mind of them. At about 9pm that night we decided to go to bed as we knew something was going to happen soon and we’d need our rest.

At 11.30pm I woke to a ‘pop’ feeling down below and a warm gush of fluid. My waters had broken! I bolted out of bed yelling ‘F**k, f**k, f**k’ and running to the bathroom. I hadn’t put a towel down so I was worried I would make a mess all over our (very expensive) bed! Luckily I had the brains to put on a pad so that caught most of the fluid and as a result I could see they were not clear (waters are meant to be clear or a straw like colour). The browny-green colour made me think that there may be some meconium (baby’s first poo) present which isn’t ideal if bubs has gone inside as it can apparently cause distress or problems if it gets in their lungs. So we called the hospital and our support people (our mums and a student midwife) and let them know we were heading to the hospital.

It was such a surreal, exciting, scary moment arriving at the hospital. I think I was in a bit of a daze as I tried to deal with the increasingly uncomfortable contractions and trying to mentally prepare myself for what was ahead.

On arrival we were shown to our room, had some obs done and Bubs heartbeat was checked. I declined an internal at this early stage as per our birth preferences and the midwife was ok with that. As everything seemed fine we were told to get some rest and buzz the midwives when things got more intense and we would then head down to the birth suite and jump in the bath as I hoped for a water birth.

About 2 hours passed and it was nearly impossible to sleep from the contractions. I was using my Hypnobirthing techniques to try breathe through each surge and I knew it was game on when I started to get quite vocal, still breathing but accompanied by a kind of hum. They were really starting to ache now. We buzzed the midwives and were taken down to the birth suite at about 2.30am.

The next few hours I spent in the bath, breathing through each surge, trying to relax and rest between each one (which was quite hard for me when they were so close together) and listening to my body.

Eventually it got to the point where I had been in the bath for a few hours (it was now 6.30am) and was shriveling up like a prune. It was time for shift swap with the midwives and time to start looking at different techniques.
At this stage I agreed to my first internal but was not told how far as per our birth preferences. Later we found out I was already 10cm dilated. The reason I had not had earlier internals to check I was dilated was because firstly we wanted as little medical intervention as possible and secondly I did not want to be told I was only 4cm when I had been at it for hours because that would have potentially made me panic.

The new midwife came in fast and strong and N had to have a few quiet words with her to make sure she had read our birth preferences which she did and after that she was great.

A few more hours passed and it was time for the Obstetrician to pay a visit. I had been 10cm dilated and pushing for a number of hours now. Our normal OB didn’t work weekends so we had another doctor instead and he was thankfully really patient and lovely considering I was getting to the crazy stage of labour.

I had decided I was ‘done’ and needed some help moving things along. I was exhausted. I was in the bath when he came in and between contractions I roared ‘what are my options, what can I do!??’. The OB suggested that they give me Pitocin to make the contractions stronger and in then help bubs down the birth canal.

“MAKE THEM STRONGER!! Are you joking!?!! What drugs can I have then!??”

The OB suggested I could have gas to help ease the contractions and that was it.

Looking back I am greatful he gave me this option and didn’t go straight to a
c section because I wasn’t ready to give up yet.

So they got me out of the bath and popped me up on the bed where they hooked me up to some fluids (I hadn’t eaten or had much to drink for hours so I was very dehydrated at this stage) and we asked if they could start me on a very low dose of the Pitocin and try let my body do the rest. I was also given the tube for sucking the gas to help relieve the intensity of the contractions.

Can I just say that the gas sucks. Lol.
Honestly I know it’s just meant to take the edge off and it only lasts for 15 seconds at a time but I don’t think it made any difference whatsoever, in fact I’m sure the midwife must have mixed up the gas and oxygen! So essentially I continued on with little pain relief.

I didn’t feel any different once the Pitocin was administered so I’m unsure if it helped or not. The midwife tried some other stretches to try open my pelvic bones (and also left me bruised for days) and eventually I heard her say ‘oh I can see he has lots of brown hair!’ And this gave me a little bit of a boost to keep pushing as hard as I could.

Unfortunately it wasn’t quite enough to do the job and the OB was back a few hours later. He told me that because I had been 10cm dilated and pushing for a long time they needed to move things along. I managed to get out a ‘what…are….my….optionnnnsss!!’ And he explained I could either have a C Section but if I did I had to wait an hour because another lady was going in now (this lady was in the room next door and I think we’d been having a yelling match for the past 3 hours) or they could do an assisted delivery using a Ventouse also known as a Vacuum Assisted Delivery.

I went in to semi panic mode in my head because I hadn’t done ANY research on vacuum or forceps deliveries and the only thing I had read was some horror story article where I tossed it aside and went ‘F that I’m not having a baby like that’. I always thought I’d opt for a C section if needed but I mentally and physically couldn’t bear the thought of pushing for another hour. Maybe they would have given me an epidural in that time I’m not sure but I wasn’t really thinking straight. I think the OB could see the hesitation in my face so he explain to both N and myself how it worked and that Bubs would be out in a maximum of 4 pushes and that I would still have to do all the work pushing him. He was merely ‘helping’. This made me feel better about it all so I said ok (after I told him not to rip my babies head off – yes I was a monster by this stage lol).

The procedure didn’t take long and before I knew it I was doing the biggest pushes I could manage. The OB helped with 2 pushes and his head was out then I pushed the last one myself and his shoulders were through and it was done.

Our boy had arrived. Born at 11.22am.

I was spent. The relief of him being out was amazing. I kind of layed there in a daze and I remember people saying ‘look at your baby, look at your baby’ as they were holding him up.

Then they went to clamp the umbilical cord but I asked them to stop because we had wanted to delay cord clamping. The OB hesitated and said we really need to do it now because he’s having some trouble breathing. The midwife also piped in that there was meconium present (which meant he had pooped inside) so I said ‘ok! Do it’ and that’s when N dived in to cut the cord.

The next 5 minutes or so were a bit scary and felt like a life time. They had to whisk him away to the little station next to the bed and clear his airways and give him some oxygen. He apparently had what’s called a stunned birth and because of the way he was born he didn’t breathe straight away. It was not nice to watch and N and I just sat there crying suspended in time waiting…. Eventually our little boy started crying and moving and we both started crying with him. Such relief.

He was brought back over to us and layed on my chest for skin to skin time. Skin to skin was a top priority for us and thankfully the hospital was very strong on it too. Luckily N got to have a little bit of skin to skin too whilst they cleaned me up and gave me something to eat (I was starving!!)

I attempted breast feeding but Parker had some troubles latching the first few days as they suspected he had a sore head after the way he was delivered. I shall write another blog about my breast feeding journey so far as it hasn’t been easy.

After I has been stitched up (2nd degree tear when his shoulders came out) and the placenta was delivered, We sent for our mums who had been patiently waiting for around 12 hours and they came to meet our little man.

Before we headed back to our room they weighed Parker and we found out he was a whopping 10lb 2oz (4.6kg). No wonder I had trouble getting him out lol but I was so proud of myself! Go me for pushing out such a big bubba lol

So after 9 months of waiting, a long and exhausting labour, he was here and he was beautiful. His mummies fell in love instantly.

Getting It First Go…

With the due date creeping up it really has started to become a reality to us that in no time there will be a new little human joining us and fitting in to our day-to-day lives.

We wanted to take a quick moment and reflect on how lucky and grateful we are to actually fall pregnant on our first try.
In fact being pregnant at all is amazing.

Obviously there are many couples, gay or straight, that try for years and years to get pregnant. Neither N or myself are under any illusion that it’s easy and we often send our love and positive thoughts to others who are trying to fall.

When we first started out on the journey we were nervous. We anticipated that we would be trying for a while. In fact our plan was to do about 3-4 IUI attempts before switching over to IVF. We were in it for the long haul.

So after our first attempt, our first IUI (we had never tried at home before) we got it. We were pregnant first try!

It was a shock to say the least. Is this really happening?

We were excited, thrilled, astounded…however we were wary.
Could we really be this lucky?

N and I discussed the other night that those first 12 weeks (and even a little bit now at 30 weeks) you are constantly on edge wondering if we have pushed our luck with the universe. We spent those first weeks being on our best behaviour, trying not to make the universe unhappy. Karma Karma Karma…and lots of positive thinking. In fact, I’m sure N even helped an old lady to cross the road.

Nothing is taken for granted. We are thankful and feel grateful every day.

We hope everyone gets to experience the joy we do and the excitement that comes with knowing your new little addition is not that far away!

This is a picture of the sunrise we watched during our TWW. Beautiful.

4D Scan

Just a quick update to let you know we got have a 4D scan of our little bubs.

So cute and exciting to see that little face that will soon be here for kisses and cuddles!

 

My Body Is Designed To Do This

Wait… It comes out where??

Growing up I always said I didn’t want children and the reason was because I was always scared of the physical task involved.

When I hit the age where I started to realise I wanted children I still clung to that fear. How on earth can I possibly go through THAT when I get scared taking a bandaid off?

Warning: This post is about to get really hippy.

With this fear in mind what if someone told you it was possible to learn techniques to stay calm, focused and learn to cope with what comes at the end of that 9 month journey. Well that’s what I was told about Hypnobirthing.

“Shun the non believers, Chaaaarlie, Shuuuunnn”

One of my closest friends starting the hypnobirthing journey, shared her thoughts and what it was all about and then continued on to have an amazing birth – crazy – but amazing and it had me convinced that there was something more out there than wanting to cry every time you thought about giving birth.

So we booked in for our first Hypnobirthing class. We tried to keep our minds open and expectations low because we really had no idea what we were walking in to. For all we knew we’d be sitting around topless eating patchouli burgers. Instead we were pleasantly surprised to be met with a inviting, calming and informative session that started us on the road to a hopefully happier birth.

For those of you who are still rolling your eyes let me briefly explain what Hypnobirthing is… In fact, let me just copy and paste from their website:

Hypnosis is a naturally induced state of relaxed concentration in which we communicate suggestions to our subconscious mind. This part of our mind influences what we think, how we feel and the choices we make.

It can actually control pain. There is no magic to achieving success with self-hypnosis. Almost anyone who chooses to, can reach deep relaxation and redirected focus.

When having your baby with HypnoBirthing, what you experience is similar to the daydreaming or focussing that occurs when engrossed in a book or staring at a fire. You will be conversant and in good spirits – totally relaxed, but fully in control. You will be aware of your body’s contractions but will be able to determine the extent to which you feel the surge.

You will experience your birthing in calm relaxation, without the fear and tension that cause pain. Your body’s natural anaesthesia (endorphins) will replace the stress hormones that create pain, and when it’s time for baby to be born, you will be fully awake and involved.

We are realistic, we know that not every birth goes to plan or exactly how you think it will but that’s fine. We are finding with each of our classes we are learning more relaxation techniques and self talk that is giving us the tools to feel confident and calm with the approaching birth.

In fact, It’s not so scary anymore but more exciting because you know it’s going to be time to meet your baby.

For anyone who wants to view a hypnobirth and see how lovely and calm they are (as opposed to mainstream media where all women scream like monsters) here is a little clip for you to watch.

Picking our OB

N and I made the decision to go to a Private OB and hospital for all of our care. We’re in a private health fund so it really just made sense and for us as a same sex couple we feel like we can get more personal care that way.

At our local hospital there is about 6 OB’s to choose from. We already knew we wanted a female so that narrowed it down to about 2.

One of the OB’s my mum had seen for her previous births and after a bit of research we decided she may not be a great fit for us.

The other OB we wanted to see and had heard really great things about was Dr Kylie Isaacs.

I sent an email to her offices asking if they were happy to take on a same sex couple and the lovely receptionist called me back and left a voicemail saying that ‘Yes, they had taken people in our…’situation’…before’. It did make me laugh and I guess some people could’ve turned their nose up but I genuinly feel she was trying to make us feel welcomed.

So our local GP had given me a referral to book in and see Kylie however with me and my naivety I left it till about 12 weeks before I bothered to ring the offices and book in for our first appointment.

Here I am, all excited, happily ringing to book and then getting told “Oh sorry, Kylie only works part time and has a full load of patients”

*silence*

I seriously don’t know how I didn’t burst in to tears on the other end of the phone. I can’t even remember what I said but thankfully the lady must have heard something in my voice because she said she would call me back by the end of the day and see if there is anything that can be done.

Well she did call me back and again I don’t know how I didn’t burst in to tears because THANK GOODNESS!!!! Kylie could squeeze me in as another July mummy to be.

Phew!

It turned out that with Nat being away we couldn’t get in to see Kylie until about 18 weeks. So all my other appointments I saw my local GP (who is also a really nice and caring person).

The first appointment went well and Kylie made us feel really relaxed and comfortable as a couple and as first time mums.

She was happy to answer my list of questions and continues to do so with each visit we have.
(No joke… it’s a list.)

We were also thrilled to hear the babies heart beat for the first time! That little train noise is just awesome!

Each appointment we are lucky enough to have a squiz at baby on the monitor.

We always look forward to the appointments and even though we know N can’t be there for all appointments we’re grateful for the ones she can attend.

 

Baby Shopping

Wow, Baby Shopping hey?

Walking through the shop it is seriously hard to not stop and goo and gah over every baby item you see.
What’s even harder is trying not to buy everything you see!

We decided to take a trip to Baby Bunting on Boxing Day and that pretty much started the ball rolling.

Laybys here, laybys there… Buying bits and pieces is just constant and don’t start me on pram shopping!

Choosing a pram and a car seat is a pretty big deal (well for us anyway) because we figure they are two very important items where safety and comfort is important. As a result our car seat has AIRBAGS! lol We think that’s pretty impressive.

Picking a pram is a tricky business too. It took us awhile to decide as I had my heart set on a Silvercross Wayfarer. I didn’t have to convince N to much after she had a play with it in the shop. Either that or the displeasure in my face when the sales assistant showed us other prams (cheaper versions) convinced her otherwise. I was sold on the Silvercross as soon as I saw it because I know I used to be pushed around in one as a baby so the history behind was pretty special.

 

As a result of all this fun baby shopping we have managed to put a very cute little nursery together.

It was a strange little process though knowing you were buying furniture for another human, someone who you haven’t met yet but you know you just want to give everything to.

Also people keep telling you to stop buying things… wait till after the baby shower etc etc but it’s not that easy.

Being first time mums, we’re excited, we’re clucky and we’re already in love with this little person that we want to spoil them rotten! Lol

Can you reeeaalllyyy have to much stuff?

Nah.

Announcement

Finally we can tell the world the exciting news.

N and I decided we wanted to do this in a fun way.

This was the result:

12 Week Scan

What a fantastic Christmas present…. 12 weeks!!

Due to the fact that we hit the 12 week mark on Christmas Eve all the places we needed to get scans etc were closed for the holidays so we ended up having our scan a little earlier at 11weeks and 5days.

We went in to see the sonographer for our NT scan and discovered our little bean was quite a bouncy bean and wouldn’t sit still for us to get a bit of a look.

As a result we had to go back after the christmas public holidays and attempt the rest of the measurements to make sure everything was going ok.

After some walking and cold water we managed to get the pics needed for the test to be completed.

Results came back great! Yay! Little bubs is continuing to grow!

Keeping our Secret a Secret

So the plan was to keep our pregnancy quiet from mostly everyone and both our workplaces until our 12 weeks was over.

When you’re battling with morning sickness it’s not so easy.

Like i mentioned in my morning sickness post I just had to keep my stomach full and I didn’t gag to much.

The trickiest part was social gatherings. In our 12 weeks we had N’s Birthday and a work Christmas party.

Most of the people at N’s birthday bash were close friends and family and those who didn’t know we took the opportunity to share the exciting news. We were only 10 weeks but when you’re that excited it’s hard to contain.

For my work christmas party, Luckily N was away so I had the excuse that I had to drive home and couldn’t drink.

I think also being in a same sex relationship has it’s perks because not a lot of people (work related) think I would get pregnant. It’s not like it could happen on ‘accident’ so I don’t think it was expected.

We also had great timing because over the christmas holidays I had a 3 week break so by times I went back to work I was already 15 weeks and feeling a lot more confident and safe to share the news…. And thankfully they took it well.